the little things are the big things

observe the little things, and over time they will tell you where your commitments and values lie

(I listened to this as I drafted this piece^)

2023 was about the little things. 

It has become an annual ritual to look back and identify the key defining moments, both high and low, that shaped the trajectory of yet another year of life. For some reason, the milestones last year just weren’t that big. 

It was instead a year defined by adjusting to uncertainty, filled with days that blended from one into the next, memorable only because of how much they resembled one other. And amidst my reflection, I realised that all I want to ponder about are the little things – about how they truly are the big things. 

what are the little things 

When I was writing this, I thought about the way my boyfriend’s sister grasps my hands in hers whenever she greets me. And about how my close friend Chinni calls back as soon as she can whenever she misses one of my calls. Or the evening walks my parents take after every dinner. What I pay attention to would probably differ from you, but I think we can all agree that there is something universal about the muted significance of the little things. 

From Jet’s sister I receive warmth and welcome. I sense her openness to loving and giving, and intuit her preferred way of connecting with others. From Chinni, I feel reassured in the importance of our friendship to her and am moved by her concern, whilst also appreciating her desire for such gestures from her own circle of friends. From my parents, I learn about their daily joint commitment to quality time and exercise, how over the years, they choose to deprioritise other hobbies to show up for each other during this protected time. 

The little things matter so much not only because they shape the everyday lived experience, but also because they are revelations of the people that we are. Maria Popova, one of my favourite writers ever, once mentioned that “we bring to anything, a book, a love – the whole of what we are, projecting onto it every experience that we have ever had and every unanswered question, reverberating throughout the deepest chambers of our being.” 

I believe we bring the whole of ourselves too, to our work, our friendships, our romantic relationships, and our relationship with the person inside us. We project our state of mind and habits (conscious and subconscious), likes and dislikes onto everything, but especially onto the small things. Things so small we tend to miss, but actually speak the loudest. 

the little things are the big things

For example, I think the easiest way to tell if someone cares about you, is in the little things they do (or don’t do) for you. They will protect you and cherish you. They will do their best to understand your goals and support you. They will have your best interests at heart. They will care about and remember the little things that are important to you. For some, it’s regular protected time and phone calls, for others it’s joint attention on a third thing, or flowers, date nights and gifts. 

It’s also easy to tell when someone doesn’t care for you (assuming that you both communicate regularly and that you’re a healthy, well-adjusted person). They will neg or say things they know will hurt you. They will ever so subtly try to bring you down or sabotage you. They act against your best interests. You have to tell them what matters to you, twice, thrice, or more, but it will still slip their minds. 

This is not to say that conventionally big things – grand gestures, lavish gifts, romantic getaways, don’t matter, because they absolutely still do. They are themselves, insights to how someone chooses to show their generosity and affection. But there is much to glean from the little things, because they’re always there and much harder to hide. Sometimes, they’re the things we tend to ignore, explain away, make excuses for, when we should be doing the opposite. They tell us how good or bad someone is. They tell us if someone loves us or not. 

the little things that you do 

There’s the saying that goes, ‘Show me your calendar and I will tell you your priorities. Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you where you’re going.” What I’m trying to say has a similar connotation. Observe the little things, and over time, they’ll tell you where your commitments and values lie. 

This concept also helps us look within. The little things I do for others, tell me how much I love them. Do I love them the way they receive love best? Am I present when we’re together? Do I celebrate them for who they are, in addition to their achievements? Do I give them the space to be their best selves?

Similarly, the little things I do for myself, tell me how much I cherish myself now, and how much I cherish future Shiying. Do I exercise? Do I take care of my body and skin? Do I nourish my soul with good books so that I stay sharp and fulfilled? Do I invest in what enriches me, so that I can show up in this world, confidently?

✿

My previous post was about choosing devotion over discipline in 2024. But really, devotion is all about dedication to the little things. Some people call them habits. Practise them enough and they become carved into your value system and by extension, your personality. And this is why the little things are the big things. They give us a lens into which we can observe, acutely, who we have become: our values, our commitments, priorities, our embedded into the very ways we treat others and ourselves, consciously or not.

warmest,
shiying <3