partner dancing and relationships
You can either read or listen to my voice over of this week’s article :) Before we begin, I’d like to invite you to play this throughout for a jazzy read:
I started learning Lindy Hop (also known as the OG swing) about 2 months ago, after a good friend Venny brought me to a taster class. And by gosh, was it the happiest, snazziest partner dance ever, and to lively swing music, no less! I loved it so much that I signed up for classes the very next day. The interesting thing was that we rotate partners throughout class, allowing us to practise our new moves with different people. The very fact that Lindy was literally a conversation between two people at any one time, embodied within their movements, I thought that this form of partner dance had lots to teach me about relationships.
Here are 7 things partner dancing has taught me about relationships.
It takes two to tango.
Can you imagine dancing with someone who doesn't even want to budge their feet, or isn't the slightest bit interested in dancing with you?
It is always helpful to ask, am I entering a relationship with someone who deeply desires to dance with me, and is in it for the long term?
A great dance requires practice.
To dance well, it's not enough to just practice with your partner - you have to practice on your own to get the beat and steps right!
In my relationship, am I doing the necessary work to invest in myself and my own goals, while also learning how to flourish and navigate life together with my lover?
After dancing with many people, you learn that you just have better chemistry with some compared to others.
With some people, it can just be so easy! With them, I can dance with my eyes closed, feel what their next move is, and laugh with joy the whole time (Lindy involve lots of improv). And I only learned this after dancing with several people.
In the same vein, it is likely (and probably best) that you will kiss several frogs before finding the one.
For this dance to work, you need (1) a lead, and (2) a follow.
The lead guides, and the follow, follows! If the lead sends me out (I'm a follow) for a turn, I will note their cue (we are holding hands) and spin accordingly, for as long as they signal me to. Both parties choose and embrace their roles.
In a relationship, are the roles, across different domains, defined? Do the roles complement each other?
A good lead plans the moves and communicates them by providing clear signals
I love dancing with good leads: they are confident, they plan well and their signals are clear. When a lead says, "Don't worry - just follow my lead," I know that I am in good hands.
Can the lead in the relationship provide, lead and protect?
A good follow trusts the lead’s guidance, is receptive to cues and embraces the act of receiving
As a follow, I have a tendency to fixate on my own moves and be unwilling to let my lead guide me, especially if they're complete strangers. But that's just not going to work for this dance! Like how follows love a good lead, leads love a good follow. The moment I let go of control and listen to their cues (eye contact and body language in this case), the quality of the dance improves tenfold.
Can the follow in the relationship let go of control, surrender and trust?
A pair that enjoys themselves is a pair that can stop looking at their feet, and instead groove to the music
Now, this is really tricky, especially in a class where everyone is learning how to dance!
But so crucially important this is - do you and your lover know how to stop overthinking the technicalities of life, to pause and enjoy the little things together, everyday?
✿
And that's it! As with anything else, there is more nuance to each takeaway that I've shared 🙂 For instance, I am speaking from my experience in heterosexual relationships. My good friend Wai Kit also raised a good point about the necessity of swapping roles at certain times, and for the follow to be discerning in the act of surrendering. It was really fun to put on paper the things I've mulled over during and after each class. Thank you for reading, and if you have any thoughts at all, I would be so happy to discuss in the comments section ♡
warmest,
shiying
Loved the song to accompany the read!